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Hillary was said to be 4 or 5 years old already, that cold winter night that Sonny adopted her a couple years ago. He did not think she was being fed enough because she molted twice within about two months of being with him. She was strong and had a voracious appetite, but always moved sort of slowly, even when taken her out of her aquarium apartment, which was kept on a table in front of a window in Sonny's study. Since he began really working on getting things on eBay over the last 3 years, he had seen more of her than his poor, love starved cats!
He put a small flowerpot in her apartment, just in case she wanted a semi-closed space to rest in -- she rarely used it -- when he would open the blinds she would always hide behind it, in the shade, and he thinks that she did not like the direct rays of the Sun. The crickets loved to sit in the earthenware pot, though. Sonny would sprinkle it with water to add some moisture to her surroundings. She drank from a sponge that he kept in a small faux rock dish in her tank. He rarely allowed his cats into the study after he got Hillary, just in case they might knock the aquarium over or something -- although that would have been very difficult, he preferred to err on the side of caution
In the almost 30 months she was with him she was the ideal female companion -- not harping or newsy, never talked back, nagged or bothered him in any way, and she did not care how messy the room was or what clothes Sonny wore. She was a little shy and always very quiet -- never shaved her hairy legs or used makeup -- hers was a primeval, raw beauty, ageless and eternal -- the constant temptress, wild yet hauntingly seductive. Her culinary tastes were a lot simpler than his, but Sonny did not really care -- what is a bunch of crickets every week between friends?
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on 7 July she seemed weak for some reason -- she hardly moved when Sonny touched her -- there was still a cricket or two in her tank |
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he took these two shots from different angles to show a couple views of her extraordinary hairy body and legs |
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one could rarely see her jaws, but in this shot of her last molt -- as you can see, she was very able to catch a cricket with them, and would probably have given a painful bite if allowed to |
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Sonny never gave her a chance though, because he always wore kid gloves when handling her and allowed her to walk on his desk top |
Hillary died quietly in her sleep on Tuesday morning, 8 July 2003, accompanied at her aquarium side by her long time live in companion, Sonny, and two crickets. She was 10.5 cm long, which equals about 4.12" -- somewhat larger than the above photo. The cause of death was determined to be of advanced age, which is thought to be at least 8 years old -- as with most women, she would never talk about her age. No autopsy was performed, and she did not donate any organs. Sonny was devastated -- he is always such an inwardly emotional dude, who really cares about his friends -- and has few. Obituaries were placed in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal and on the really extensive bug page of the Microsoft web site.
The funeral arrangments were made at the Bugdom Chapel, and the viewing was held from 12 to 25 July 2003. Grasshopper Skip, as kewl a dude as usual, greeted the guests as they arrived. Dignitaries and hackers came from the world over -- they were curious about one of the few bugs they had never been able to successfully clone and propagate.
Bill Gates read the obituary in the Wall Street Journal and thought it was some new bug in the Microsoft operating system and arrived with the Orkan Man to see what they might be able to do about it. He offered to buy the movie rights to The Hillary Story, but Sonny politely declined his nice offer, as ridiculously low as it was.
At the Memorial Service held on Saturday, the 26th, only close friends and relatives were invited to attend. Many favorite classical compositions were played by the Apple Music Store rep, using Sonny's iPod which was connected to the really kewl surround sound ultra stereo system. Live dual harp solos were offered by the Ty Beanies, Web and Spinner.
The prayer service was led by Praying Mantis Peter, and included awesome inspiring bug-related readings from the latest msft security code. The emotion-charged elegy was read by Charlotte, who left her web for this very special occasion .
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Choral arrangements were provided by the Jiminy Cricket Choral Ensemble.  He also signed autographs for his many fans in attendance |
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the Super Hero, Spider-Man, seemingly in a rush, as always, was seen wiping tears from his eyes throughout the services |
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The Gold Bug, who is still active in various hot spots around the world, was one of the guests of honor, and made a surprise announcement that Wamba leaves were the cause of the mysterious shrinking of Jeff Goldblum, otherwise known as The Fly |
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Sonny's loyal long-time readers will fondly remember his eBay auctions at the start of the new millennium -- it is almost unbelievable how his auction format has changed over the years since he first started on eBay in 1997, from pages less than 500 pixels in width to those of today, with 700 pixels, in keeping pace with always increasing computer monitor size |
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Hillary's open casket lie on a stage, with two large bouquets of red roses on either side and in front. She was accompanied by the remains of her last molt |
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Sonny tearfully placed a single red rose beside her majestic, peaceful, hairy-legged body |
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Ronny, the tech ant, coordinated the activities of the funeral and told us all the details of the latest Apple rumors, as well the specs of the revolutionary 64 bit Panther operating system |
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Atom Ant, an old super hero friend of Hillary, was overcome with grief -- he came out of retirement just be be with his friends, and he later flew to Bob Hope's memorial service |
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Klyde Morris, the well-known aviator ant, flew in from the Orient, where is he helping to speed up shipments of Apple's latest PowerBook laptop upgrades |
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Mrs. Grouchy Ladybug was friendly and chatty. I had never met her before and do not understand how she got that negative-sounding name. She is a very huggy and smoochy gal |
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Bugs Bunny used Google to search for important Bugs-related events, and used I'm Feeling Lucky -- he was only slightly disappointed and offered his sincerest condolences |
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Bill Gates, oportunist extraordinaire, graciously donated a paultry sum to help defray expenses in exchange for an ad -- I hestitatingly obliged him, even though he bugs me -- Eh.... thanks, Bill |
Hillary's former long time companion could not attend the funeral services, but he sent Sonny the following touching email --
I was just walking with Hillary along a road. I was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to me that I was dead. I remembered dying, and that the tarantula walking beside me must be dead too.
I wondered where the road was leading us.... After a while, we came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When I was standing before it I saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like Mother of Pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. Hillary and I walked toward the gate, and as we got closer, I saw a man at a desk to one side with a Valio laptop computer, swearing because it crashed again.
When I was close enough, I called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir,"
the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" I asked.
"Of course sir, Come right in, and I'll have some ice water
brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to
open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward Hillary, "come
in, too?" I asked.
"I'm sorry sir, but we don't accept pets."
I thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued
the way I had been going with Hillary. After another long walk,
and at the top of another long hill, we came to a dirt road which
led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.
There was no fence. As we approached the gate, I saw a man inside,
leaning against a tree and reading a book about the new Apple
G5 desktop and iChat.
"Excuse me!" I called to the reader. "Do you have
any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there". The man pointed
to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come
on in."
"How about my friend here?" I gestured to the spider.
"There should be a wet sponge by the pump."
We went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned
hand pump with a bowl and small sponge beside it. I filled the
bowl and took a long drink myself, and then soaked the sponge
for Hillary. When we were full, Hillary and I walked back toward
the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them.
"What do you call this place?" I asked.
"This is Heaven," was the answer.
"Well, that's confusing,"
I said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates?
Nope. That's Hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name and registered
trademarks like that?"
"No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy
that they screen out, you know, the purple screen of death, the
folks who'll leave their best friends behind."
Take care, Sonny, and thanks for taking good care of Hillary for me while I was gone. She has been telling me nice things about you. She said that you always remember your friends. See you one of these days, and take it easy -- you work too hard!
John
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In lieu of flowers, it is respectfully requested that monies be used to bid on Sonny's current eBay auction treasures, which also helps to defray the funeral expenses and this tribute to a cherished friend -- donations via PayPal would also be appreciated, and the donor's name would be placed in the Tarantula Book of Love as a fitting eternal memorial to this exceptional pal.
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